I wrote this speech about marriage and what I have learned from being married:
In the late
1980s, I got married. Eight and a half years later, I got divorced.
Three years
after that, I went to a Single Adult fireside, where I met a guy I had known as
a teenager.
He was sitting
in the room where the fireside was going to be, and as I walked past him he
said, “I know you.” I thought to myself, “I don’t know you, but I’d like
to!”. I didn’t recognize him at all… but when he told me his name, I
immediately knew who he was. It was exciting!
After sitting
anxiously through the pioneer video that was shown, we got caught up on the
last 15 years of our lives. Then before leaving, we exchanged phone
numbers, shook hands and said, “Good-bye!”.
Soon after that,
we went out on a date, talked to each other on the phone for hours, and three
months later, we got married! : )
Too soon?
Not really. We had known each other when we teenagers, and had even
written to each other for a while.
Besides that, he
will tell you, I had a LONG list of what I wanted in a man!
Handsome.
Check! Respectful. Check! Can sing..... well....... he
couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but he was VERY handsome! : )
That was all many
years ago. A lot has happened since then – good and bad.
We’ve both
learned a lot.
He’s probably
learned that I’m a pain in the butt to live with.
I’ve learned…….
He doesn’t
always want to do what I want to do!
He doesn’t
always agree with me!
He likes
chocolate. I could live without it.
I’m somewhat of
a germ-o-phobe. He is most definitely not a germ-o-phobe!
We aren’t
perfect at being married, none-the-less, I’m going to give you some “Rules to
Live By” if you want to remain on Cloud 9 after marrying the man or woman of
your dreams:
Rule Number One:
Do not insist on
always getting what you want.
Let’s say, for
example, one night, you want to know if the love of your life is… “in the
mood”. Ask once – maybe twice, but if “No” is the “final answer”, it’s
OK! You’ll live. Just lovingly accept your sad fate, and hope for a
better tomorrow!
Remember –
You’re either working toward a better marriage, or working toward a bad one.
Rule Number Two:
If something is
bothering you, tell them.
Be direct.
Women – if you keep giving subtle hints, thinking they’ll eventually “get
it”. They won’t get it, and you’ll be frustrated.
Be direct and
just tell them. Nicely.
Rule Number Three:
Decide what
things can just slide, and which things can’t.
I often don’t
understand what my husband is trying to tell me.
In the
beginning, I would keep questioning him until I understood what he was saying.
That didn’t work out so good! It only led to frustration for both of us.
Now if I don’t understand something, I
decide – is this something I really need to understand? If not, I just
let it go.
Rule Number Four:
Be
forgiving. If you can’t forgive your spouse, the marriage won’t last
long.
A few years into
our marriage, I was frustrated, worn out and out of answers, and I asked my
husband, “What do you want to do?”.
He replied, “Try
again tomorrow…?”.
That was the
best answer he could have given me. It meant that he wanted to keep
trying, so I wanted to keep trying too.
It’s not ALL a
walk in the trenches, but it does take effort.
Several years
ago, we went to a wedding where the bride and groom said in their vows, “I
promise to love you when it’s easy, and when it takes effort.”. :
) I like that -- "...when it’s easy, and when it takes effort.".
Make the effort
to have the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamed of.
Don’t insist on
always getting what you want.
If something is
bothering you, tell them.
Decide what
things can just slide and which things cannot.
Be forgiving.
Remember –
You’re either working toward a better marriage, or you’re working toward a bad
one.
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